Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Missing him

Ok I miss him so much lately. We did not have a good relationship and out of the 10 years there isn't much for me to celebrate but he has something I just haven't found else where. Since I was 17 he was like a star in my world. Really... I always just wanted his touch, not even just sexually but he comforted me sooo much. But he hurt me too with that touch- catch 22 huh? Anyway all of my children are with this man and he is not even my husband but God knows I treated him that way. I did everything I felt  a wife should for him. I know there were mistakes that I made but I kept all the fundamental values in tack. I never cheated and even worse never really wanted to.  Anyway, I was describing the perfect man to me to a friend and she said "you know who you just described don't you".... ughh yes. So is it becuase I spent so long with him? I virtually grew up with this man from the age of 17 so maybe that is it... he is just the model of man I have had. He treated me so bad at times I could never put into words the hurt I still feel from it... yet I still miss him. I know all of the things I want from my next man and it is hard for me to believe that he is out there. I mean plus I have 3 children coming in. How difficult is that? I know it is possible I will just wait. I pray that he gets himself together and is able to all that his heart desires and really I want clarity for myself.
Life can be soooo difficult


So I honestly want to know how men think they can be so picky. I mean when I look at how most men look, dress, don't have much, conduct themselves etc... I wonder if they are serious about how they are critiquing women all of the time. This is coming from convos I have been having with many different people and how I have been observing peoples actions in different environments. For example one night at the club I was standing by the stage with about 7 different dudes. There was a dress contest going on at the time where the women were walking around, dancing and such in their little black dresses. Well one of the guys I was standing with was no prize. As a matter of fact I would be surprised if he ever was able to pull ANYONE in the club. So he is going through the girls.. she is too skinny, she is too fat, so and so forth. Anyway I do understand that women tend to put themselves on display more than men but there is a point that you have to be honest with yourself and undersand that maybe you shouldn't judge people so much yourself. Maybe just maybe you should take a step back and try to understand that YOU may not be the best thing either and may just need to pump your brakes... #ImJustSaying


Ok so again I am recently single after 10 years in a relationship with a man that I loved very unconditionally. Well now that I am on the dating scene I am approached by many men. As a matter of fact a young man that was trying to "talk" to me after a recent event was saying that everytime he sees me out I have a flock of men around me like vultures. And as he was trying to talk to me one swooped in in front of him and he didn't know what to do. The dude that swooped was 22 years old..smh. I am a year from 30, what can I do with a 22 year old I am thinkng. But as I analyze this I realize that most of the men that come hard are young. Men do follow me out of clubs and bars almost everytime I go, no matter the city I am in but the older men tend to give up, they give the impression that it isn't worth the effort but the young men are trying hard. I have found myself dealing with younger and younger men. 24 is the limit that I have given myself right now but I want to tell a story about a young man in Charlotte at Wet Willies one time. There were about 4 or 5 dudes trying to talk to me while my folks and I were at our table. Several of them would leave but come back and talk. Well I go to the bathroom and when exiting a man stops me and we are speaking. He wass very atractive, short stocky, dark...good looking. I am talkng to him, he was 28, he worked for some firm he said well no sooner than we are exchanging this information  one of the young men from earlier walks in front of him, I say I was speaking to him and he looked at him and said "now your speaking to me". Dude walked away! I could have liked him. So of course I was interested in this man that was so interested in me that he didn't let anyone else swoop in. He had good convo, witty and sexy..... I liked it.... now for the ?  always asked "How old are you" -20. HUH? The only man in here that really stepped to me is 20? NO way! Of course I couldn't give him my number but I wanted to. I was so dumbfounded and the question I feel I need to ask is- Where are you grown men? I feel that I am a beautiful, self reliant, capable and very good woman. I am a catch but the only men that are really coming hard enough to be noticed are "lil boys". Don't do me like that! I can't imagine getting serious with a lil guy that I have to teach things to.. I mean I ave 3 kids.. what can he teach them? I need some answers please help. And ladies yes I know about the sex.... next blog ;o)