Ive been watching these masks
off then on
on then off
What is it that we see from behind screens?
Destortion is real
So much we fail to know
So I watch these masks
from behind my screen
I can't see much and there isn't many that see me
I mean they say they do but come on man....
Shh whats up with these masks?
Aight ol girl said she is confident
"Oh hunny I got this!"
but you step on others, manipulate and lie
Hate on others and not really know why
An ol boy say he handling bizzness
"Come on nigga you know I got bitches!
and money and respect man Fuck these snitches"
but you dont' know your kids or pay your house bills
can't stand up straight cause the lies got you bent
Damn man whats up with these masks?
I mean we all get hurt so we pull our head back and adjust
Adjust the newest mask
the "I Don't Give A Fuck Mask"
"Ahh these niggas aint shit watch how I treat em" mask
"I wont let em get close and use more than most,
oh theyll remember me" mask
When the heart gets touched by the one that hurts so much
the mask is stained from inside out, tainted and smeered
you trying to claw your way out
Shhh man fuck these masks
I sat today molding a mask for myself
A mask that could lead me and guide me through my past
I sat today rolling a blunt and nestled inside my cloud
I sat today sipping my drink and lay out under the warmth
I stood today popped my pill and danced the night away
I lay today fucking and fucking until my mind went numb
I lay today lying and screaming inside fantisizing about that Big shit
You know that plan I got.....
"Imma get to it, tomorrow, next year oh yeah next year"
I played myself through my mask
I knew I played myself but it was behind my mask
thats why it didnt' count
Ive been watching these masks metamorphosize
Ive been seeing my own mask from behind my eyes
So today I mold my mask, shape it just like I like
Take a sip,swallow a pill,smoke a blunt and fuck my way....
I stand over myself in reflection, look up
And break my mask........
Now
Its just me
Me with no mask......
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
What Really Matters
I am almost in awe over how much I do not know
How much I thought I did and how much more you have shown
I could never have imagined someone lending to my life
Whose age is so young but intellect so bright
When I reflect upon the man that in you Im coming to see
I realize there is no way to know all of the possibilities
Its hard for me to overcome the thoughts that this could not be right
How is ther a man inside when your age just doesn't seem ripe?
There are not many people in the world that just connect
And there aren't many times that I can say "its him I can't forget"
So I have decided to enjoy each moment I have in time
And if you are there then; well that will be just fine.
How much I thought I did and how much more you have shown
I could never have imagined someone lending to my life
Whose age is so young but intellect so bright
When I reflect upon the man that in you Im coming to see
I realize there is no way to know all of the possibilities
Its hard for me to overcome the thoughts that this could not be right
How is ther a man inside when your age just doesn't seem ripe?
There are not many people in the world that just connect
And there aren't many times that I can say "its him I can't forget"
So I have decided to enjoy each moment I have in time
And if you are there then; well that will be just fine.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
ill is he
What does it take to call a man Ill?
Can he be bent or does he have an unbroken will?
So this is the question I've asked myself when writing down these words
Cause we all want us an "ill" man that maybe could even navigate our curves.
But I'll ask it one more time, how is this "ill" man measured?
How do we walk past his being and know he has more than we've known ever?
And how "ill" has to be the lady that can capture his attention
How amazing must she be that to her he may just listen?
When can you call a man "ill" what ways can he yet show it?
Does he care for the ones he loves and strive to make his world fit?
Does he stand with back sometimes bent and knees that may just buckle?
Does he watch his kids grow and allow himself to fight with more than just his knuckles?
Is there a time that he takes to intellectually grow and forth move?
Or even take the time to think before he responds as would a brood?
To me a man is "ill" when he has resigned himself to be all man
when he cares for the ones he loves and carries his family as the footsteps in the sand
If he can hold the burdens set upon his shoulders from the world.
When he can make you feel secure within the arms that God created
At the times that when all seems lost he steps out as a warrior fighting
He relinguishes his all just when you need to have it
And finds his will not far from the that of logic even when its hiding
If you hold that title-"ill" know there is responsiblity to be had
Stand strong and full with pride for an"ill" man is amazingly clad!
Can he be bent or does he have an unbroken will?
So this is the question I've asked myself when writing down these words
Cause we all want us an "ill" man that maybe could even navigate our curves.
But I'll ask it one more time, how is this "ill" man measured?
How do we walk past his being and know he has more than we've known ever?
And how "ill" has to be the lady that can capture his attention
How amazing must she be that to her he may just listen?
When can you call a man "ill" what ways can he yet show it?
Does he care for the ones he loves and strive to make his world fit?
Does he stand with back sometimes bent and knees that may just buckle?
Does he watch his kids grow and allow himself to fight with more than just his knuckles?
Is there a time that he takes to intellectually grow and forth move?
Or even take the time to think before he responds as would a brood?
To me a man is "ill" when he has resigned himself to be all man
when he cares for the ones he loves and carries his family as the footsteps in the sand
If he can hold the burdens set upon his shoulders from the world.
When he can make you feel secure within the arms that God created
At the times that when all seems lost he steps out as a warrior fighting
He relinguishes his all just when you need to have it
And finds his will not far from the that of logic even when its hiding
If you hold that title-"ill" know there is responsiblity to be had
Stand strong and full with pride for an"ill" man is amazingly clad!
Our moments in time
This mans fingers are magic and his thrust amazing and full
His mouth fell upon mine and from within I felt a pull
A pull that was deep and too fundamental to deny
I knew it was not love but that feeling still makes me sigh
A delight of lust not lost and a fire impossible to quench
This can last all night and each night and day and forever hence
Rapture of the body physical from somewhere at its core
A grinding of desires creating a melody heard no more
If together we create a whirlwind full of all this passion
Can we hold it from the world dull the light as if its ashen?
Or would all see as my skin reacts to your presence as you pass me?
Or realize that between us is found way too much to actually be seen?
I can't say that I care to think of how others may react
If they saw us sprawled out within one another exposing just how we attract
How we move within a rhythm that has yet to be set
And know the secret place where we go without regret
With those finger tips of magic and the mouth so soft and full
And the thrust that fulfills my need and the hips that push and pull
I find full exhaust and amazing trepidation
You make me want you more and more at this point you're my expectation
So let me wrap myself around you and delight within with this grind
Let me fantasize about these sensations that we have created in our moments in time.
His mouth fell upon mine and from within I felt a pull
A pull that was deep and too fundamental to deny
I knew it was not love but that feeling still makes me sigh
A delight of lust not lost and a fire impossible to quench
This can last all night and each night and day and forever hence
Rapture of the body physical from somewhere at its core
A grinding of desires creating a melody heard no more
If together we create a whirlwind full of all this passion
Can we hold it from the world dull the light as if its ashen?
Or would all see as my skin reacts to your presence as you pass me?
Or realize that between us is found way too much to actually be seen?
I can't say that I care to think of how others may react
If they saw us sprawled out within one another exposing just how we attract
How we move within a rhythm that has yet to be set
And know the secret place where we go without regret
With those finger tips of magic and the mouth so soft and full
And the thrust that fulfills my need and the hips that push and pull
I find full exhaust and amazing trepidation
You make me want you more and more at this point you're my expectation
So let me wrap myself around you and delight within with this grind
Let me fantasize about these sensations that we have created in our moments in time.
Goodnight
I wrote myself a letter last night while lying in the dark
I wrote it all about all the reasons Im falling apart
A long letter I wrote filled with the things that I regret
Things I've done before and things I havent done yet
I cried upon my letter I smiled upon its glories
I hugged myself tight and I let the letter take my worries
My letter screamed back at me things I didn't want to learn
It yelled out and accosted me with things I've never heard
I never slept a wink never once enjoyed a slumber
I wanted to lie still and let the night take away my blunders
But sleep it did not come and reprieve I did not find
I was stuck within some dark place found only in my mind
I tried to crawl from under the dark cloud of my creation
As I pulled myself up slowly from the decent of my personal invasion
I clawed at images of trust lost and hurt too deep to speak of
I thrust and tore at walls I built up in defense from all that was
Within this war I created from my past that invades my present
I realized my growth was inevitable and abreast with my thoughts decent
My eyes,they began to fall and my letter it was transformed
From the harshness of desire lost to a soul that is reformed.
My letter was a beautiful one drenched so heavily with tears
No more worries were found within it and there too was no more fears
And scrawled out on the bottom in letters scratched out as if written without light
Was a P.S written to myself that said I love you January, goodnight...........
I wrote myself a letter last night while lying in the dark.
I wrote it all about all the reasons Im falling apart
A long letter I wrote filled with the things that I regret
Things I've done before and things I havent done yet
I cried upon my letter I smiled upon its glories
I hugged myself tight and I let the letter take my worries
My letter screamed back at me things I didn't want to learn
It yelled out and accosted me with things I've never heard
I never slept a wink never once enjoyed a slumber
I wanted to lie still and let the night take away my blunders
But sleep it did not come and reprieve I did not find
I was stuck within some dark place found only in my mind
I tried to crawl from under the dark cloud of my creation
As I pulled myself up slowly from the decent of my personal invasion
I clawed at images of trust lost and hurt too deep to speak of
I thrust and tore at walls I built up in defense from all that was
Within this war I created from my past that invades my present
I realized my growth was inevitable and abreast with my thoughts decent
My eyes,they began to fall and my letter it was transformed
From the harshness of desire lost to a soul that is reformed.
My letter was a beautiful one drenched so heavily with tears
No more worries were found within it and there too was no more fears
And scrawled out on the bottom in letters scratched out as if written without light
Was a P.S written to myself that said I love you January, goodnight...........
I wrote myself a letter last night while lying in the dark.
Friday, November 12, 2010
The True extexts of me
If I could write my story what would the title be?
How could I show the world the true extents of me?
Some pages would be dark the others so bright one could not see,
How could I show the world the true extents of me?
I've stared forlorned in mirrors wondering what I could actually be
I could make the world mine if through my eyes they could see.
What if I wrote a story in which had my heart ache and pain?
Could one read the pages? Through my hurt could someone gain?
Maybe anothers sunshine could emerge from my rain,
We all know life is a journey in which we loose and yes we gain
So yes; maybe someones sunshine could emerge from my rain.
Truth be told there was hurt but it wasn't all just pain.
I'll just have to contemplate just what this title would be.
The title of the book that holds the true extents of me
There would be so much growth within the pages one would see
So much passion,love and lust that creates the being that I be
I could write it all down and make it plain for all to see
Hey the title of my book can be "The True Extents of Me"!
In the pages you will find a will that no one has ever broken
A faith and love for God too deep for any words of it to be spoken
There's solemon nights of hurt and and joy with the sun as if it were awoken
I see it all now within the pages I would lay myself open
I could stretch myself out and say the things that are yet unspoken
Explain the things that offer the complexities within me woven.
Would you read this book I ask you?
With blood words and marrow true?
Sprawled out with its essence pure and open and new?
Exposing what I fear and all the things that make me blue?
My physhe yours to know and revealed to just sift through
And if I wrote it well would you read it-I ask you?
But how could I express within the pages who is me?
It seems like a great idea until I think about how it could be
To compose a work reflecting the woman that no one sees.
The one that is seen within my eyes that is fighting to be free
The things that comprise who I am the things that seem to define
me.
I could show my ample flowing and undying sexuality
Or my softness that as a woman is defined as femininty
As long as I am saying it we'd watch my hips that flow as the braches on a tree
And delve into the moments of my inelegancies
Finding within the pages times unflattering to see
But without those times there is no way to see the true extents of me
Without watching how I love as if in full interrengency
And how I will endure so much pain just so others can be free
Or even how my word is bond just for the sake of loyalty
I would allow ones fingers to carress the silkeness that contructs me
And watch as they move over areas with abrasion and debris
I would wonder if there is understanding of my true intellegency
Or if they could imagine the soul that cries from within mutedly
Or follow the clave rhythm of a drum that within me beats
If I could write it down and make it plain for all to see
Then there laid out in blood and marrow would be---- The True Extents of me......
How could I show the world the true extents of me?
Some pages would be dark the others so bright one could not see,
How could I show the world the true extents of me?
I've stared forlorned in mirrors wondering what I could actually be
I could make the world mine if through my eyes they could see.
What if I wrote a story in which had my heart ache and pain?
Could one read the pages? Through my hurt could someone gain?
Maybe anothers sunshine could emerge from my rain,
We all know life is a journey in which we loose and yes we gain
So yes; maybe someones sunshine could emerge from my rain.
Truth be told there was hurt but it wasn't all just pain.
I'll just have to contemplate just what this title would be.
The title of the book that holds the true extents of me
There would be so much growth within the pages one would see
So much passion,love and lust that creates the being that I be
I could write it all down and make it plain for all to see
Hey the title of my book can be "The True Extents of Me"!
In the pages you will find a will that no one has ever broken
A faith and love for God too deep for any words of it to be spoken
There's solemon nights of hurt and and joy with the sun as if it were awoken
I see it all now within the pages I would lay myself open
I could stretch myself out and say the things that are yet unspoken
Explain the things that offer the complexities within me woven.
Would you read this book I ask you?
With blood words and marrow true?
Sprawled out with its essence pure and open and new?
Exposing what I fear and all the things that make me blue?
My physhe yours to know and revealed to just sift through
And if I wrote it well would you read it-I ask you?
But how could I express within the pages who is me?
It seems like a great idea until I think about how it could be
To compose a work reflecting the woman that no one sees.
The one that is seen within my eyes that is fighting to be free
The things that comprise who I am the things that seem to define
me.
I could show my ample flowing and undying sexuality
Or my softness that as a woman is defined as femininty
As long as I am saying it we'd watch my hips that flow as the braches on a tree
And delve into the moments of my inelegancies
Finding within the pages times unflattering to see
But without those times there is no way to see the true extents of me
Without watching how I love as if in full interrengency
And how I will endure so much pain just so others can be free
Or even how my word is bond just for the sake of loyalty
I would allow ones fingers to carress the silkeness that contructs me
And watch as they move over areas with abrasion and debris
I would wonder if there is understanding of my true intellegency
Or if they could imagine the soul that cries from within mutedly
Or follow the clave rhythm of a drum that within me beats
If I could write it down and make it plain for all to see
Then there laid out in blood and marrow would be---- The True Extents of me......
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Ol Boy
Hold on Ol boy? You mean the old boy that makes every other ol boy seem like just another "ol boy"? Ohhh yeah the one with the body shaking abilities? Raw vibes and amazing body? The one that has made me feel things I was unsure I was still able to feel? You mean the dude that says stuff that I might just say?Play games that I might just play? Win the race that I may just race? Ohh that one that makes me want to take care of his needs? The one that makes me feel like dropping to my knees? That dude whose name should never be spoken with a lil in front of it? Ohh that dude that keeps me up at night? The one that makes me always want him in my sight? The one that has stolen my heart? Ohhh Ol boy? Have you seen him? Shhhh well if you do tell him I said-----wassup! ;-)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Me
If ever I find the freedom to be myself
I'll fly far above it all
look down in love
happy I am gone
happy I am far
When ever I know the security of knowing I am safe
I'll turn off the lights
embrace the dark
happy I am able
happy I am safe
I can imagine how it will feel to know that my mistakes are temporary
Not be bound
Not be in doubt
happy to know my mishaps
happy to understand I am human
I wonder when I will know if there is ever a time I will know
understand the misunderstood
embrace what I can't imagine
happy I am unwise
happy I am Me
I'll fly far above it all
look down in love
happy I am gone
happy I am far
When ever I know the security of knowing I am safe
I'll turn off the lights
embrace the dark
happy I am able
happy I am safe
I can imagine how it will feel to know that my mistakes are temporary
Not be bound
Not be in doubt
happy to know my mishaps
happy to understand I am human
I wonder when I will know if there is ever a time I will know
understand the misunderstood
embrace what I can't imagine
happy I am unwise
happy I am Me
You
I find you n my dreams and follow you through the dark
wake up in a sweat, cold, skin smooth
You permeate within me
I chase you in thoughts and make love to you in my heart
Holding you tight within me
your love penetrates me
If I keep you close enough I am sure you can't escape
What do I do if you run? How could I ever relieve the pain?
you define me
I find myself staring and wanting to carress your face
You make me desire your essence
you excite me
If ever there is a time that I need to be needed
you provide the opportunity
You-you make me,me
wake up in a sweat, cold, skin smooth
You permeate within me
I chase you in thoughts and make love to you in my heart
Holding you tight within me
your love penetrates me
If I keep you close enough I am sure you can't escape
What do I do if you run? How could I ever relieve the pain?
you define me
I find myself staring and wanting to carress your face
You make me desire your essence
you excite me
If ever there is a time that I need to be needed
you provide the opportunity
You-you make me,me
Wait
Pulling out my chair, opening up doors
looking longingly in my eyes
and I wait
He says all of the right things
smiles at me when I enter the room
and still I wait
Morning texts to say hello beautiful
check in texts throughout the day
yet I wait
secure as a man
strong in his beliefs
so why do I wait
The other shoe is bound to drop
Everything starts out great
One day soon I will see
For that I wait
To see what is not perfect
know what I think I do
see what he's scared to show
Any second.....so I wait
But what if Im stalling
waiting in vain
so I self destruct
self destruct....while I wait
I want what we all seem to want
love that is true and full
I want to be the thing that makes all worth while
For that I wait
I know that I'm unsure
no control is what I fear
I want to let go
For that........you have to wait
looking longingly in my eyes
and I wait
He says all of the right things
smiles at me when I enter the room
and still I wait
Morning texts to say hello beautiful
check in texts throughout the day
yet I wait
secure as a man
strong in his beliefs
so why do I wait
The other shoe is bound to drop
Everything starts out great
One day soon I will see
For that I wait
To see what is not perfect
know what I think I do
see what he's scared to show
Any second.....so I wait
But what if Im stalling
waiting in vain
so I self destruct
self destruct....while I wait
I want what we all seem to want
love that is true and full
I want to be the thing that makes all worth while
For that I wait
I know that I'm unsure
no control is what I fear
I want to let go
For that........you have to wait
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