Monday, May 24, 2010
What does it mean 2 really make it? That question must plague us all at some point or another in our lives. Growing up in the projects one has 2 begin to wonder about that at an early age. What you consider to be success will quickly decide your next move and make it your best move (either for the moment or eternity). I obviously would like to address the dope game and the success that it holds and lacks. I spent the last 10 years of my life in a relationship with a "street nigga". I put it that way because the dope game is indicative of the idea of the streets. And there is a package that goes with the streetz that are not always recognized or recognized too late. For instance the statistic of a high number of black children growing up in a single parent home is derived from the dope game. I remember when I was 17 and fell in love with my children's father. I was not attracted to the money that he was getting and the little cars that he had. I was more attracted to the fact that he didn't pursue me in the same manner as many of the other men that were his counterparts. Unfortunately most of the men I came in contact with as a young girl in the projects were drug dealers. Therefore they were the ones that I was most often in contact with. We began a quiet relationship that transformed into the typical street relationship as the money came. Amidst my poor decision to stay despite the cheating, late nights and abusive treatment children came. So of course he ends up doing time and I am here with 3 children to raise. On my own 4 the next 5 years. Terrified and disappointed as I am unable to place the blame for my situation on anyone and must really see it for what it is... my poor choices. I am blessed enough to have always wanted more, I always worked and paid my bills. Being careful to never rely on him to provide so the financial part isn't that hard. The problem is when my children are asking for their father at night, when my son needs a man to toss a football with him, when my daughters say that they miss their dad and I can't offer them any help. I listen to the sincerity in his voice when he is talking about making up with his kids (and even me) for the things that he missed and intentionally did. And I wonder why it has to take this... why is it so typical of the "game" that the men act the same way towards their women, the women deal with it and the subsequent prison time results in the same things? I know that my intent is to raise my black son in a way that he knows that there are other options, that the mainstream music is a joke and that he is capable of anything. I want my girls to know that they deserve a man, that the flash of materialism is fleeting and they are too important to even give themselves to a man without him first committing to them within a marriage. My life in saturated with the street life and I watch how the dream of the riches swallow up more and more black families, feeling helpless. I often play "Street Dreamz" by Nas in my head."Who am I to disagree... everybody is looking for something". So I feel that we all need to try to define the "something" we are looking for in order to help our generation and the ones to follow to change these horrible realities. I believe as a whole we all want more... so lets go get it.